How do you grieve someone who is still here?
Anticipatory grief can begin long before a final loss. It may arise when someone you love changes physically, emotionally or cognitively, when your relationship feels different, or when the future you once imagined begins to disappear.
In this episode of The Real Caregiving Journey—What We Carry, What We Learn, Lydia explores the quiet grief many caregivers carry while continuing to love, support and care for someone who is still present.
This episode looks at the sadness of missing who someone used to be, grieving changed roles and relationships, and holding both loss and love at the same time.
It also includes a gentle guided practice to help you acknowledge what has changed while noticing what still remains.
You do not have to choose between grief and gratitude.
There can be room for both.
Listen here:
Anticipatory grief can be one of the most confusing parts of caregiving.
There may be no clear goodbye.
The person you love may still be beside you, yet something important may already have changed.
You may miss:
the conversations you once had
the way the relationship used to feel
their independence
their personality or memory
shared routines and traditions
plans you expected to experience together
the person you were before caregiving changed your own life
In this episode, Lydia explores:
what anticipatory grief can feel like
why grief can begin before someone dies
grieving the person someone used to be
grieving a future you expected to share
the guilt caregivers can feel for grieving “too soon”
the emotional impact of changing family roles
why grief can appear as anger, irritability, exhaustion or numbness
allowing joy and sadness to exist together
how to remain present without denying what may lie ahead
Anticipatory grief is not a sign that you have given up.
It can be a natural response to loving someone while adjusting to ongoing change and uncertainty.
This practice is designed as a gentle companion to Episode 3 — Living With Anticipatory Grief. It’s not about trying to remove grief.
It’s about creating enough space around it so that, for a few moments, you do not have to fight it, fix it or carry it quite so tightly.
https://www.calmacaregivers.com/making-space-for-grief
Explore the Calma Caregiver Program Series for deeper support, practical tools and gentle practices designed to help you reconnect with yourself and experience joy as a pathway to calm.
Programme link:
Calma Caregiver Programme Series
Download the free Self-Care Guide for small, manageable steps that can help bring you back to yourself during demanding periods of caregiving.
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Free Self-Care Guide
You can grieve someone who is still present
Grief does not begin only after death. Caregivers may grieve changing abilities, relationships, independence, identity and future plans.
Grief and love can exist together
Missing who someone used to be does not mean you love who they are now any less.
Gratitude does not cancel grief
You can appreciate the time you still have while mourning what has already changed.
Anticipatory grief is not giving up
Feeling grief does not mean you have lost hope or emotionally abandoned the person you care for.
You may also be grieving your own losses
Caregiving can change your freedom, relationships, plans, identity and expectations for the future.
Grief may not always look like sadness
It can sometimes appear as anger, irritability, anxiety, numbness, exhaustion or difficulty concentrating.
You do not need to live every future loss today
Some planning may be necessary, but it can help to return gently to what is true in the present moment.
Your grief deserves acknowledgement
You do not need to wait for a final loss before seeking emotional support.
You may like to choose one or two questions rather than answering them all at once.
What do I miss most about how things used to be?
When did I first realise that our relationship had changed?
What part of the person I care for do I find myself grieving?
Is there a future I once imagined that now looks different?
Have I felt guilty for experiencing grief while this person is still here?
What do I wish other people understood about this kind of grief?
What emotions tend to appear when my grief becomes stronger?
What have I lost or placed on hold in my own life?
What is still present in our relationship?
Are there moments of connection I may sometimes overlook because I am focused on what has changed?
What would it feel like to allow grief without trying to fix it?
Who could I speak with honestly about what I am experiencing?
I am allowed to grieve what has changed.
I can miss who someone used to be and still love who they are today.
My grief does not mean I have given up.
Love and sadness can exist together.
I can be present with someone I love while also honouring my own sadness.
There is room in my heart for grief, gratitude, love and hope.
“I am allowed to grieve what has changed.”
“I am allowed to cherish what remains.”
“I do not have to choose between sadness and love.”
“There is room for both.”
Someone who know may be quietly moving through their own caregiving journey.
Please share this episode with a family member, friend, colleague or caregiver who many need reassurance that they are not alone.
You can also explore the Calma Caregiver Resources for additional guidance, practical tools and support throughout your caregiving journey.
Thank you for listeningto the Calma Caregivers Podcast.
You care matters and so do you.
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